Oh, hi!
You okay?
Your message was strange.
Wait, why do you look so stunning right now?
And you smell so good.
- I did a thing. - Like a beauty treatment?
No, no, this is because I am sleep-deprived and hungover.
You know I look my best when I'm dehydrated.
Oh, yeah, it's so unfair that that happens to you.
Max, I did something bad.
What did you do?
Where's Isaac?
I like that, Dolly.
Dolly Parton in the car.
Okay, Kenny Rogers has entered the car.
Fuck, I love that song.
Welcome to O High Falls. Let's do it.
No, no, no. It's... it's High Falls.
It's just High Falls.
- No, the sign said "O High." - Uh-uh.
Why are you fighting with me?
It's High Falls.
It said, "O High."
Wait, one sec.
Mom, hey.
Yep, just heading out of town with Iris.
Two nights.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
All right, look, I'll call you when we get back.
Love you, okay?
Love you, love you. Bye.
What was so funny?
Oh, nothing. Just an inside joke.
Ooh, strawberries.
Ooh, should we go? Yeah.
All right. Come on, come on.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Welcome. - Thank you.
Jam!
You guys out-of-towners?
We are.
Oh, my God, these are perfect. These look amazing.
They're in season.
They're perfectly ripe.
Great.
You can try one if you want.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, don't be shy.
You wanna do the honors?
- Mmm. - Oh.
- Mmm. Oh, my God. - I know.
Oh, my God.
They're really great.
- Oh, thanks. - Really, really good.
You have amazing eyes, by the way.
Oh, thank you.
- Right back at ya. - Thanks.
Beautiful eyes.
Doesn't she have great eyes?
- Beautiful eyes. - Yeah.
We're gonna have to get two. They're so good.
Okay. Um...
Right?
- Tad bitter. - I'll do $10 for you.
Ooh, soft hands.
That's rare. Um, enjoy.
All right.
- Can I have the keys? I'm gonna drive. - Oh, you're driving?
- Yeah. Do you wanna grab these two? - Wow.
Enjoy.
Strawberry lady looked super into you.
Nah.
She was.
What can I say?
Guess I'm a hit
with the strawberry ladies.
Oh, fuck!
Holy shit! Oh, shit!
Shit. Shit.
- Go help her. - Whoa.
I'm going. I'm going.
- Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry! - Oh, my God.
- I'm so sorry. - Oh, no.
I'm just the worst driver ever. Let me help you.
Car.
- Really? - Car.
Fuck.
Oh, I think that's... I think that's it.
Oh, shit. Should I have parked there?
This is fine. Just park here.
All right.
So pretty.
Oh, my God, Isaac.
This is so nice.
You're gonna come all the way up here,
might as well have it be nice.
Yeah, but this is, like, crazy.
Two jars of butter pickles?
Why did we do that?
This is really nice.
I see. One for sandwiches,
one sliced.
They have so many lamps.
You know, if we had jars,
we could make jam with all these strawberries.
- What? - It's really not that hard.
You're not real. You know what?
You're not real.
Wanna go explore?
If by explore, you mean have sex, then yes.
Whoa!
So, I have this,
this thing where whenever I enter a space that's new,
I have to immediately have sex.
Like a wedding, a bar mitzvah, just a casual dinner party.
Oh, my God, I have that same condition.
Wait, I haven't seen you at any of the meetings.
I stopped going to the meetings.
I have a problem.
What are you doing?
Oh, I don't know.
What am I doing?
So nice. Oh, my God.
They have everything.
We're talking olive oil.
They got good olive oil.
What should we do with this?
I mean, let's try...
...to put some in the fridge if you can.
- Ooh. - This is some good stuff.
Don't let me drink the whiskey 'cause I get really fucking frisky.
- Okay. - Take these away from me
- 'cause I'm gonna eat the whole bag. - Yeah, sure.
- Then give it back to me in 30 minutes. - Okay.
Why are the chairs like this?
Oh, that's called Shaker style.
What's that?
The Shakers?
Uh, originated in the 1700s in England.
And they actually hung their chairs on the wall
so that it would be easier to clean the house.
Oh, Jesus.
Can't believe we already broke something.
I'm gonna blame it on you.
I don't know what to do, I'm not a plumber.
- Do you want this? - No.
Really, this place is just incredible.
You've gotta see this...
You've gotta see this mirror. What's going on in here?
Jesus Christ, who owns this place?
Someone fun.
Why don't they lock this stuff away?
It was locked. I picked it.
- You picked the lock? - Yeah.
Locked doors give me anxiety.
Wait. Oh.
Wow.
Oh, my God, that's a ball gag.
Okay, yeah, no, we should not intrude.
Come on. Let's get outta here.
Ah. Watch your step. Oh, my God, it is so pretty.
Come on in.
Okay, I want you to keep an eye on me 'cause I can't swim.
Wait, seriously?
- Whoa, whoa, hey. Oh! - No.
I can't tell when you're joking sometimes, seriously.
I love that you're gullible.
- What? - You look pretty.
There's a man staring at us.
What?
There's a man staring at us.
Hello there!
This is not your playground!
What?
It is illegal to have sexual intercourse in public.
We're not having sex.
Do you think I just fell off a turnip truck?
I... I'm wearing a one-piece, sir.
It's kind of impossible to pull that off.
That was weird.
I forgot to mention I invited my ex.
And there he is.
Oh, did you... Did you invite him for the whole weekend?
Yeah, I just thought we could all hang and get to know each other, and you know.
- Seems like a great guy. - Right?
- Mm-hmm. Mmm. - Really good person.
We should have sex in here right now.
What's your book about?
It's about a disease
that turns the whole world permanently blind.
How relaxing.
Not relaxing, but actually very interesting.
You can borrow it when I'm done if you want.
Um, I'm not really a big reader.
You don't read?
No, I read. I just, um...
I'm just more of a movie lady.
But I really wanna read your disease book
- after you're done. Yeah. - Sure.
Okay, movie lady.
What's your favorite old movie?
Well, my favorite films are The Fast and the Furious franchise.
I'm assuming it's the third?
Well, no, it's a tie between all three.
They've made, like, 20 of those movies?
Um...
I'm gonna be unoriginal and say Casablanca.
Mmm.
The ending scene
where, um, Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman
are standing in the rain saying goodbye.
And they love each other,
but they can't be together 'cause it's impossible.
But that doesn't take away from what they had together.
And he looks her in the eye, and he says,
"We'll always have Paris."
That's a great scene.
Oh, my God, you've never seen it.
- Yes, I have. Yes, I have. - You're fucking lying.
- You're lying. - You should definitely check it out.
It's a classic.
I'll watch it after you read this.
I don't wanna read "Blindness, Blindness, Blindness".
I'm never reading that.
It's one "Blindness".
This is a... This is a design.
Blindness.
Oh, my...
Hi.
Dinner's ready.
- Here you go. - Oh, my God.
This looks amazing.
Thank you. I hope you like it.
Who cooks scallops at home?
You know, I like doing it.
What do you like about it?
I just find it relaxing.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, shoot.
What was your first impression of me?
My first impression of you
was that I was incredibly attracted to you.
I wanted to take you out on a date,
but you didn't like me.
Well, I thought you were a fuckboy.
- What? - But...
I was intrigued.
I won you over eventually.
Yeah, third date.
- Third date? Really? - Mm-hmm.
We just went to a bar.
Yeah, I cried. It was embarrassing.
It was endearing.
You made me feel better.
I'm glad.
Have you ever cried on a date?
Nope.
Have you ever thrown up on a date?
- No. - Have you ever had your heart broken?
Am I being interviewed right now?
I'm just trying to get to know you.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes. Toby.
Well, what happened with Toby?
Well, we got together when I was 16,
which is also the year my parents got divorced.
Shitty year.
We were together for seven years.
Thought he was the one.
Guess he didn't think so, which is fair enough,
but also really painful.
I'm sorry.
It's okay. It happens.
Except the night that it happened, it, like, kind of came out of nowhere,
and I had this, like, insane urge to stab him.
Seriously?
Yeah, I mean, I wanted to stab him.
Like, I restrained myself.
I'm not insane.
But I'm also glad...
...I'm not 10% crazier,
'cause who knows what that would have caused?
Right.
Am I freaking you out?
No.
- Okay, your turn. - I don't know. I just...
I guess I don't think about it that much.
Okay, so she really messed you up.
Mmm, not like that.
- It's not like that. - You don't have to tell me.
So...
When I was a kid, I walked in on my dad...
having sex with...
our neighbor.
Oh, my God.
He was too much of a coward to tell my mom, so...
I had to do it.
Isaac, that's horrible.
Yeah.
It was pretty heartbreaking.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, he's an asshole.
This is so nice.
- What are you doing? - May I have this dance?
Are you a little drunk?
No.
I'm not drunk. You're drunk.
Wait.
I took something from the closet.
- I thought you didn't wanna intrude. - I changed my mind.
Have you ever been tied up before?
You know, we thrive in missionary.
Um, but I'm open to anything.
- Yeah? - Except for butt stuff.
I just... I draw the line there.
I just... I had a procedure a couple of years ago
where they inserted a balloon into my ass.
Yeah, I don't need... We don't need to go there.
Um, do you... You wanna give it a try?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
I have to take a shot first.
Let's go. Let's fucking go.
Let's fucking go. All right.
- Another one. - Yeah.
Okay, tie me up.
- There we go. - Okay. Whoa.
- You ain't getting out of that, right? - No.
Okay. These have gotta be the leg ones.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. - That's right.
- Whoa. - Hey!
- Whoa. - Look at that.
- Whoo! - What happened to the...
Oh, there it is.
- Found it. - Ow!
Ow!
Like that?
How does it work? Here we go.
- Perfect. - You stay like that.
I'm just gonna leave for a minute.
- I'll be right back. - No! Come on.
Take her to the barracks.
A salty little prisoner. Let's get our heads together.
I can't do anything like that.
Like, I can't get, and I can't, can't get my bra off.
You ready?
- No! - What?
I can't do this.
I wanted to, but I just... I'm not that kind of girl.
Okay, yeah. No, no. We can... we can stop.
No, I don't wanna stop. I don't wanna stop.
This is so fun. I just don't think I can be the one that's tied up.
You wanna switch?
Is that okay?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Let's get you out of these cuffs.
I'm sorry that I yelled at you.
It's okay. Let's get you out.
- This is... - I'm in a cold sweat.
- Is that okay? - Yeah.
You wanna do my legs, too?
That doesn't freak you out?
Might as well go for it.
I'll make it nice and tight for you.
Are you ready?
Come here.
- Feels good for you? - Fuck, yeah.
It's bright in here. Oh, my God.
- You like that it's bright? - Yeah.
- It's a bright lamp. - I like it with the lights on.
I like to have sex in the dark 'cause I'm self-conscious.
Oh, my God. You're so hot.
Really?
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Okay. Are you... are you close? Are you close?
I already came, like, three minutes ago.
I'm gonna go pee.
- Okay. - I'll be right back.
That was really fun.
It's just crazy.
What is?
You know.
No. What?
I just didn't expect this.
Expect what? The handcuffs?
No.
For it to feel this easy.
Our first trip as a couple.
Um...
I, uh...
I don't...
I'm not really...
You're not really what?
Looking for a relationship?
Wait, what are you talking about?
I mean, I...
I think you're great.
I'm just not really looking for a relationship right now.
Are you joking?
No.
Wait.
What do you mean, you're not looking for a relationship?
We've been dating for four months.
What did you think we were doing here?
What do you mean? We're hanging out. We're having fun.
We are exclusively seeing each other.
No, we're not.
What are you talking about?
- What are you talking about? - No, like a month ago,
I said I didn't want you to have unprotected sex
if you were sleeping with other people,
and that's the only reason that we, you know, haven't been using condoms.
No. You said you didn't wanna have unprotected sex
if we were also doing that with other people.
No, I said I didn't wanna have unprotected sex
- if we weren't exclusive. - No, that's not what you said.
You said that you didn't wanna have unprotected sex
with anyone else for sexual health reasons,
which I totally respected.
Are you sleeping with other women?
Yeah.
Uh. No, it depends on how you define... "sleeping with."
Oh, my God, I'm... I'm horrified.
I... was... wearing condoms.
What are you...
This is what we talked about. I don't understand.
We never talked about this.
Look, I never said I was looking for a relationship.
If that's what you want, maybe we should stop seeing each other.
What the fuck are you talking about?
- I'm just saying. - I like you, and you like me.
We should definitely not stop seeing each other.
I don't really...
Well, can we just not have this conversation
when I'm cuffed to the bed?
Why would you bring me here?
Why would you spend all day acting like my boyfriend?
Why would you tell your mom about me?
Why would you eat me out in broad daylight?
Like... that's fucking boyfriend shit.
Why would you, like,
hold my feet in that way and kiss me deeply?
And why would you bring me on this fucking fancy trip?
It's fucking bullshit!
You're being kinda crazy right now.
I'm being crazy?
You're being fucking crazy. You pursued me.
Is this what you do?
You bring women on, like, fancy trips,
and then you dump them, and you call them crazy?
- Is this, like, your... your big plan? - Iris, calm down.
Calm down? Do not tell me to calm down.
Why are you making this such a fucking big deal?
- I did nothing wrong. - Seriously?
I don't like this. I'm not... I'm not... I'm not into this.
You're right.
You did nothing wrong, so you can sleep like that.
Are you fucking ser... Come on.
Iris.
Iris!
Fuck.
Shit.
- Hey, sweetie. - I'm sorry. I didn't wake you, right?
No, I'm just heading off to bed.
Where are you? Why is it so dark?
I'm just sitting in the car 'cause I was gonna go out for a drive,
but I drank too much whiskey.
Oh, no, sweetie. Whiskey. You can't drink whiskey.
Remember what happened last time?
Mom, Isaac and I got in a really big fight.
What about?
He doesn't wanna be in a relationship.
Oh, baby.
Mom, I don't... Like, should I leave?
Like, this is so weird. I-- I don't...
You know, your dad almost stood me up on our wedding day.
Got a bad case of cold feet.
Tried to ditch me at the venue like an hour before we exchanged vows.
But I wouldn't let him because I knew he loved me.
You guys are divorced.
Yeah, but we both know that was my doing.
My point is, sometimes men don't know what's best for them.
If I were you, I wouldn't let Isaac walk away just like that.
- Really? - Really.
Just go and talk to him.
Be your beautiful self.
Show him those amazing eyes of yours.
Take your clothes off, maybe.
Put on that lingerie I gave you.
- Where is he right now? - Are you... Are you serious?
Who else is gonna tell you, use your body?
Society tells me this every day,
so I just... it would be nice to call my mom
and have her be like, "Use your heart."
I don't get a good reaction when I say it to young people your age.
It's true.
- I love you. - I love you too, sweetie.
I'm hanging up on you. Goodbye.
Hey, I just...
Please, God, can you please make him stay with me?
I think that we could make each other really happy.
When fear strikes, the need to run becomes primal.
In this episode, I'm going to explain how to help your partner resist that urge.
In the 1970s, I conducted a study on 12 brave couples on the brink of divorce.
My findings were fascinating.
Let's dig in.
Good morning!
- What... What time is it? - I don't know.
Okay, can you... can you uncuff me now?
I was thinking.
What if I don't?
Don't uncuff me?
Yeah.
I don't understand the question.
What if you give me 12 hours to show you...
what we could be together?
See, the thing is, you don't really know me.
You only know this version of me that I've shown you,
but I think if you really got to know me, you would change your mind
about the whole relationship thing.
Iris.
See, I was up all night reading these articles
by this relationship expert, Sandra James.
And she was saying that when you're fighting
with your significant other,
you should stay in the room until you resolve it.
She says in some cases,
couples literally tie themselves together for 24 hours.
Iris...
Let's just stay here for the rest of the day.
And if by the end of it, you don't wanna be with me,
then fine.
No, no, I don't... I don't wanna do that.
I don't think you know what you want.
Like, I think you think you know what you want,
but that's not actually what you want.
'Cause I don't think you know what you want.
If you really thought about what you wanted,
it wouldn't be what you wanted.
- Okay. - If you wanted that,
'cause it wouldn't be what you want.
Why don't you, um...
Why don't you uncuff me, and we can talk about it?
What if these are gifts from the universe?
A gift?
A gift that I could save you from self-sabotage!
Look, this is "Sondra's" theory, not mine, and she's got the PhD.
"Sondra," Sandra, who the fuck are you talking about?
So, you'll do it.
No! Uncuff me!
Fine, I'll uncuff you, but then I'll just have to stab you.
- What? - It's like,
all I want is to feel deeply
and get into the nitty-gritty of a relationship
and be vulnerable and have love.
Like, that's what I want. It's like, let me make you breakfast!
Yeah.
Breakfast, yeah, yeah. Make me breakfast.
Really?
Yeah. Let's... do the 12 hours.
Let's... Let's do that.
We just need to connect.
Yeah, for sure.
Okay, breakfast.
The most important meal of the day.
Breakfast!
Making breakfast.
We're making breakfast.
French toast, his favorite.
Okay.
Need an egg, okay.
Need an egg.
God, please, please don't let her kill me.
I know I'm not perfect, but I don't think I deserve to die.
Not like this.
Oh.
Hi. Hey.
How do you know where I live?
I'm so sorry. I do not know where you live.
I... I'm just staying at the farmhouse down the road.
I... I promise you, I did not know that you lived here.
You're staying at the farmhouse?
Yeah.
Uh, sorry if I seemed rude earlier,
but there have been some local high schoolers
who've been trying to have sexual intercourse in the creek.
Oh, yeah, I'm... I'm a full adult,
and I only get sexual inside.
I, uh, was wondering if you would be open,
um, to letting me borrow an egg.
I know that's crazy, and I wouldn't give it back,
but I, uh, I'm Iris, by the way,
and I'm making French toast for my boyfriend.
- Steve. - His name's Isaac.
- I'm Steve. - Oh.
So nice to meet you, Steve.
You want an egg?
I would love an egg.
Oh, my fucking God, does he not like French toast?
Does he like...
No, he got French toast.
He got French toast.
He liked...
At that diner, he got French toast.
Okay, we're making French toast.
Breakfast is served.
I need to pee.
And we're gonna figure it out.
I'm sorry. I totally forgot men peed.
But this is kind of fun, right?
Like, it could be, like, us when we're older,
you decrepit and bedridden, me holding your penis in a bowl
while you relieve yourself.
Please, stop.
Didn't land.
Wasn't the right time for a joke.
I totally understand that.
Oh, my God.
A bit dehydrated.
No?
I'm so sorry.
So, how are you?
I'm okay.
Yeah.
How are you?
I'm okay.
Didn't really have, um...
a plan after the...
after the breakfast idea, so kind of just...
figuring out... how to keep the vibes going.
Do you want me to ask you, um, more about your childhood, or...
No, no.
Why don't you...
...tell me about yours?
I wanna know you better.
No, no, it's... I don't want... I don't like talking about myself.
Oh, come on. You're asking me all the questions all the time.
Why don't we switch it up?
Hmm?
Okay, what do you wanna know?
What was your childhood like? Did you ever...
break a bone?
I mean, who was your first crush?
I wanna know everything.
- Okay. - Yeah.
I can do that.
Great.
Well, apparently it was a crazy heat wave that night,
and my mom woke up in the middle of the night
already two centimeters dilated.
They said that my head was so big that it actually ripped her vagina.
The doctor said that he had never seen something
- that graphic before. - Wow.
It's really rare for baby girls to get hernias.
It's much more common in boys.
The way I stopped wetting the bed was by lucid dreaming,
which my therapist said was very impressive.
Can I be honest?
Paris sucks.
Not for everyone.
And I actually think the croissants are better at Dunkin' Donuts.
So, I'm on a flight to Amsterdam to New York,
and my friend is like, "Here, take this edible,"
and I was like, "Okay, I guess that could be fun."
I immediately have a panic attack,
and I go up to the stewardess and I'm like,
"It's going down. The plane's going down. We need to land."
What are you looking at?
Is it a bird?
Yeah, yeah, it was a bird.
It was a bird.
So, in the sixth grade, I did this dance at a talent show,
and it was hard to say, like,
if it was good or not,
but my crush who had never spoken to me before,
did ask me out the next day,
so I like to think that that had something to do with it.
A dance?
Yeah, it was...
It was so ridiculous.
That doesn't sound ridiculous. That sounds sweet.
I'd love to see it.
Yeah, one day I'll show you the video.
No, no, no, do the dance for me.
I wanna see it live.
I'm not gonna perform a dance for you. That's insane.
Come on. I'd really love to see it.
And... And if you have a... a recording of it, that's perfect.
You could... practice in the living room.
Seriously?
I wanna see the dance that won over your crush.
You're such a great dancer. We know this.
It'd be so fun. Come on.
Please?
Okay, I am getting very bored of talking about myself.
Uh, maybe it's good to switch up the energy.
- Okay. - Switch it up.
- I'm switching it up. - Let's go.
All right. I'm gonna do that. I'll be back.
All right, great.
- Okay. - All right.
Oh, shit. Fuck my life.
Goddamn it.
Help, help. help!
Hey! Hey!
Help!
Please, come on!
No, no, no, come on. Come back!
Hey, is everything okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, everything's fine.
I was... I was just, um, wondering when you were gonna be ready.
Just need a few more minutes and I'll be right back.
Okay, great.
Whoo!
Whoo.
Do not have the knees of an 11-year-old anymore.
Do you enjoy modern dance?
Or are you more of a jazz girl?
Okay, do you wanna switch cards, or do you wanna keep these cards?
Your... left hand.
- This one? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, it was a two.
Ow, ow, it's stinging.
- It... It's burning. - Yeah.
Yeah, sometimes things that hurt are good for us.
This is what I'd look like pregnant.
I'm just kidding. Jesus Christ.
Ow!
Is it an ace?
No.
Wow.
I mean...
I mean, I'd clap, but...
Mmm.
Um...
So, did I ever tell you about the story of when I kissed my cousin?
No, that sounds pretty weird.
In my defense, I was blackout drunk at a family reunion.
I hadn't touched a man in six months, and I thought he was a waiter.
Yikes.
I thought it would get a laugh. I thought you'd think it was funny.
Actually, I also kissed my cousin once.
Okay, we're both cousin kissers.
This may be worse because I definitely knew she was my cousin.
Oh, my God.
We have to unpack this.
- It's a long story. - I wanna hear it.
So, how old were you and what...
It's been 12 hours.
Yeah. Yeah, just tell me a story first.
It's been 12 hours, Iris.
I think, uh, you can uncuff me now.
Yeah, I will, right now.
Um, where is the key?
I think it's down. Uh, yeah, I think it fell.
Um, has anything changed about your, um, feelings
for us being together?
Uh, I don't know.
- Really? - I mean, uh,
why don't you uncuff me, and we can talk about it?
Why can't we talk about it now?
It's been 12 hours. Uncuff me.
I... I am going to.
I just... you don't think that
- there's something special here? - Iris.
- Iris... No, no. - No, no. Let me finish.
- Just let me... - I'm not doing this anymore. Okay?
- Come on. - I'm just trying to say
- that it's really hard to meet people... - No.
...or at least it's hard for me
- to meet people. - Iris, I'm, um...
- And this is something that is hard... - My patience is running really thin here.
...it's really hard to connect.
Fuck you! Uncuff me right now, you fucking psycho.
You are literally going to jail.
- You know that? - What?
This is a felony. Kidnapping.
I didn't kidnap you.
You absolutely did.
Look at me. Look at me.
You wanted to be tied up.
This was your fucking idea! You said that you liked it.
Oh, my God, not for 20-plus hours!
You agreed to it!
You threatened to stab me!
I was joking!
Didn't feel like you were joking.
- Yeah. - You really thought that I would stab you?
Yeah, you seemed really fucking manic.
And then you proceeded not to let me leave.
And then you told me you almost stabbed
your ex-boyfriend when he broke up with you.
That was just a thought that went into my head.
I would never actually stab him or you. Who the fuck do you think I am?
I felt like it was in the realm of possibility.
No, no, no, no, no. I didn't kidnap you.
I didn't, like, take you here and, like,
bring you to the house and trap you, okay?
That is not the only way to kidnap someone.
You didn't let me leave! That is kidnapping.
That's how they got O.J.
- What? - O.J. Simpson.
Yeah, the reason why he went to jail is because he was convicted
of not letting someone leave his Las Vegas hotel room.
That's right.
Sentenced to 33 years. Served nine.
You're so fucked. Uncuff me.
Well, now I don't know what to do.
Uh, uncuff me?
I can't go to jail. I... I can't go to jail.
- Oh, my God. - They'll eat me alive.
- I won't go to the cops. - I can't go to jail.
How can I believe you?
I won't! I'm just gonna tell everybody you ever met
that you're fucking insane!
I won't. I won't do that.
I'm not going to do that. I was kidding.
I'm not actually...
Iris! Iris! Ow.
What are you doing? Get the fuck off of me!
Ow.
What the...
Iris, uncuff me.
Oh, my God.
Iris!
Fuck!
Hi. You've reached Max.
Leave a message, and I'll call you back.
Hi, girl, um, I'm having a bit of a situation,
and I need you to come meet me here, like, right now.
If you could come as quickly as possible that would be great.
Love you. Bye.
I'm sorry. What's going on here?
What should I do?
What should you do?
Hmm.
Let me ask Kenny actually, because he loves Law & Order.
No, no, no. You can't call Kenny. No one else can know.
Oh, um...
He's in the car.
Why did you bring Kenny?
How could I not bring my boyfriend
to the romantic oasis that is High Falls, New York?
'Cause I am your best friend, and I needed help.
Right, and that's why he's waiting in the car,
because what if you were, like, naked or something?
Your first thought was that I was naked and I couldn't find my clothes?
Well, I don't know.
It definitely wasn't that you were holding your almost-boyfriend captive.
Tell Kenny to go home.
- Tell Kenny to go home. - Okay, okay, I will.
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
I was just, um, pretty scary out there alone.
- Kenny! - Hey, Iris!
Hi. Um...
Babe, you have to go.
We have some lady stuff to sort out.
- Oh, what? I thought we would chill. - Yeah.
Maybe I can make you a s'more or somethin'.
Aw, that sounds so nice, but Iris is, um
she's cramping.
I'm just cramped. A lot of cramping.
It's, um, something that we need to deal with alone, so...
Okay, yeah.
Where's Isaac?
We had a fight, and he took an Uber... home.
Oh, no.
- Yeah. - Really?
I really liked him. He's really cool.
- He was cool. - Yeah.
Well, hopefully you guys could get back together.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah. Okay.
Um, okay, yeah. Well, I'll let you guys
have friendship time, and then...
Yeah, I'm just gonna use the bathroom quick.
- And then, be on my way. - Oh, um...
No, my love.
I'll miss you too much.
Why don't you just pee outside like all the guys do?
Pee outside. It's a beautiful night.
Um, no, I think I'd rather just go inside.
The bathroom's broken.
Oh, well, what have you been using?
The upstairs bathroom.
Okay, well, I'll just use that.
No. No.
Okay, what's going on? Why can't I use the bathroom?
What, is there, like, a dead body in there or something?
That is such jokes, Kenny.
You're insane.
Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom then.
Okay, just when you go up there, we...
just be really quiet
because the neighbor's been complaining.
- Oh, no. - We all gotta be really quiet
and use the left door, which is open.
Don't use the right door because... don't.
Just go in the left open door.
You got that, right? You just go in the left.
Okay.
Thank you.
Why did you bring Kenny?
You know I don't like driving.
Hmm?
Aye.
Hello?
Hey.
Isaac is handcuffed to the bed and accusing Iris of kidnapping.
- Max, what the fuck? - I'm sorry.
You know, I can't keep anything from Kenny. You know that.
Why is he accusing you of kidnapping?
Because I chained him to the bed and I wouldn't let him leave.
But I wanted him to get to know me,
and I didn't realize it was technically illegal,
and I thought that he was really loving it.
Yeah, but he wasn't loving it,
and now he's threatening to go to the police.
And I Googled it, and kidnapping is five years minimum in prison.
Twenty is more likely.
If you get five, you could probably get off
in two-and-a-half with good behavior.
See, Law & Order guy.
Why don't you go to the police? It is your word versus his.
His uncle is a senator.
His word is literally backed by the U.S. government.
- Okay, that's not good. - Yuck, which senator?
I don't know. It's Wisconsin or Minnesota.
I get them confused.
Look, guys, as long as there's no...
There's physical evidence.
Look, I elbowed him in the eye
when I was trying to re-cuff his leg,
and, ultimately, I don't know how to say this, Kenny,
but he's developing a black eye.
I need to see him.
- Fuck. - Kenny?
Kenny? Kenny, please.
Kenny!
Kenny, no! No!
Honestly, it's really bad.
Oh, my God! I'm going to jail.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're all going to jail.
- What? - Well,
okay, so Max has been here with you for a while now,
and Isaac's already seen her and me see him chained to the bed,
and then walk out of the room casually.
Now I could probably get off right now unscathed
if I went to the police straightaway
or unchained him right now.
But Max, she's almost certainly gonna be an accomplice.
Lucky for you guys, though, I am a go-down-with-the-ship type of guy,
and Max here is my lady and my ship.
Okay, so I'm here on a visa.
If I get accused of being an accomplice to kidnapping,
I'm definitely getting deported.
- Oh, my God. - Fuck.
- Okay, this is really bad. - Okay.
Um, what if we give him some kind of head injury
that causes some form of amnesia?
Oh, my God! We make him forget the entire thing.
Let's do that! Let's do that! We hit his head!
- What? What the fuck? - We hit his head.
- Let's do that! - Okay, we can do that.
No, no. Guys, we're not gonna... We can't give him a head injury
that causes amnesia without killing him.
- We could kill him. - What?
- What? No! - We're not killing him.
Well, you already threatened to stab him,
and there are a lot of woody areas to hide a body.
I did find a lot of switchblades.
There are also kitchen knives.
We're not gonna murder him!
- We are obviously joking. - We're joking, Kenny.
Then say that you're joking!
- Whoa. - I just feel like, yeah, if you joke,
then say you're joking, just right now,
so that we're all on the same page 'cause I don't want to...
If someone's making jokes, and I think it's serious,
- it's gonna be a problem. - Babe, it's okay.
Okay, I'm cool.
We're not gonna murder the little guy.
Okay, not to change the subject, but I'm so hungry.
I'm fucking starving.
Yeah, honestly, I'm very hungry, too.
I think that is the cause of my explosion.
Great pasta, babe. It's really good.
- It's really good. - Yeah, you should have some.
- You don't want any pasta? - I don't know.
Did you poison it?
No, Isaac. Of course, I didn't poison it.
Just take one fucking bite.
You don't want a bite? Just take a bite.
I don't wanna eat it. I don't wanna have to do more than pee.
I understand, but Kenny's here, and he can help you with that.
Oh, that's a big ask.
No, no! God, no.
I... Just let me go. Let me go.
- Please, let me go. I won't tell anybody. - We've... Okay.
We've established that I can't trust anything that you say.
Ooh! Wait.
What about the drug that men use to rape women?
- The roofie drug? - Hmm.
We could try that. He would lose his memory.
Please don't drug me.
No, that only works, like, on the night that you take it, nothing before.
Oh, fuck! You're right. Shit.
- Think, Max, think. - You got this, baby. Think.
- Kenny, walk with me. - Yes, baby.
So, we're gonna be right back.
Why can't you just say you're sorry?
Me? For what?
- For leading me on. - I didn't lead you on.
You pursued me!
That doesn't mean we're automatically going to be in a relationship, Iris.
Okay. I'm sorry I'm not a chill girl that doesn't care about commitment at all.
I'm not trying to make you chill.
- Yeah. - I'm not trying to make you anything.
You made me scallops!
Yeah, I made you scallops. What the fuck are you talking about?
You spent all this time, like, wooing me and pursuing me
and, like, you made me like you!
Wait. So, so, the issue is
- that I treated you too well? - Oh, my God.
- You're infuriating. - I'm lost.
I think you like me, and you're just scared.
Stop telling me how I feel.
You know, you have textbook intimacy issues,
like, it's just really clear to everyone but, like, you know what I mean?
Don't, don't, don't... Don't therapize me!
Don't do that! Do not.
I'm sorry. I just, um...
I thought we were having a nice time.
We were.
I just... I never asked you to, um...
to father my children or get married.
- Oh, okay. - I just asked you to only date me.
But it's never just that.
We would have gotten deeper and deeper intertwined,
and then eventually,
you know, you'd want more. You'd want more.
Maybe you would, too.
Yeah, but what if I didn't?
- That would have been fine. - Then what? I'm the asshole?
No, I'd be the asshole. Maybe that's what I am already.
I'm the asshole. That's what you can tell people about me.
Then I'll just be the crazy girl.
Hey, sorry.
Um, Max wanted to see you.
Cool. You wanna take over this? Great.
Kenny, come on, man. Let me go.
I'm sorry, man. I really want to. I just...
I can't.
- This is insane. - I'll tell you what.
I'm not gonna let them kill you.
That's your line? Murder?
Yeah.
I know. I know. So embarrassing. Um...
She'd obviously like to erase that memory.
You do? Oh, my God.
Can you send it to me right now?
Yeah, we're in nature right now,
so it's actually really easy for us to light a fire. That's perfect.
Oh, thank you so much. You're a lifesaver, for real.
Send my love to Aunt Jasmine.
Okay. Bye, girl.
Who was that?
My cousin, the witch.
She has a spell for us to try on Isaac's memory.
- Max, can we be serious? - I'm dead serious.
- She is a witch. - Right, and I love you...
with the witch stuff, it's always, like, I'm with you.
- I just... I just got in a really big... - Iris, she's a witch, okay?
I'm telling you. Just trust me on this. Seriously.
You called for my help, I hauled my ass out here.
I just feel like we've exhausted all of our options, and we're...
Yeah, we're in a place of needing magic.
We need to cut the shit and turn to witchcraft.
Yeah, you're... you're right.
- Okay. - Let's do it.
- Let's do it. Let's do it. - Let's make some magic.
"When the doctor and the old man with the black eye patch
"entered the ward with the food,
"they did not see,
"could not see."
- It's ready. - Wait.
He's not gonna take it if I give it to him.
He literally thought I was poisoning him with pesto pasta.
Hmm.
"One by one, and then...
- "herself." - Oh, my God.
Wow.
- Wow. - Wow.
You have a really nice reading voice.
- Thank you. - Really nice.
Thanks, man, you are.
I don't understand why the book is called "Blindness, Blindness, Blindness".
It's... It's just... it's just Blindness.
Can you open up the window?
Yeah, it's stuffy in here, right?
Gosh.
- How's this? - Perfect, thank you.
Are you feeling it? Mm-hmm.
- Oh, good. - Babe?
Babe!
- Hey, what's up, babe? - Can I have some water?
Yeah, one sec!
Not you! I was talking to Kenny!
All right, I got you, pal!
Can we talk to you right now outside?
Yeah, why? What's up?
No, seriously, can we meet you outside?
- Yeah, I'll be right there. - Come, Kenny, come on.
I'll be right there.
Okay, we need you to give this to Isaac,
because if either of us do it, he'll be suspicious.
Great, what is it?
It's the potion to help him forget the last two days.
Okay.
I feel like I should have a drink, too.
'Cause if I give him a drink and I don't have one,
it could be weird,
but if we both have a drink, then it's like a bonding thing.
- Oh, you're so smart. - Thanks.
Okay, I'll make you a tea.
Here you go.
- Mm-hmm. - That's good.
Huh.
How is that?
It's... It's strong flavor.
- Thank you. - There you go.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah, it's my grandma's recipe.
It helps aid in sleep and ease anxiety, so...
That's nice.
So...
- So you've never been dumped? - No.
That's crazy.
I hate breaking up with people.
You know, you go on three dates with a girl,
and then you have to have this...
full talk
about how you don't wanna keep seeing 'em.
It's... the worst.
- For you or for them? - Both.
- Come on. I don't wanna make someone cry. - Yeah.
I know what you're saying.
- If you're just not that into someone... - It's not that. It's not that I'm not...
into her. I am. I... I was.
Yeah. No, I get it.
Yeah, my pal, Phil. He's like you.
What?
Well...
So, evolution, right, they gave us these reptilian brains
to protect us from danger, right?
So, that's why we remember the bad things that happen to us
four times as strongly as the good things.
Like, "Don't eat this poisonous berry, so remember it."
Yeah, but now we don't really have to worry about berries as much,
so our brains come up with new things that we label as threats,
like girls.
Sorry. My mom is a therapist.
- Oh. - Yeah.
How did you meet Max?
- Tinder. - Tinder?
Yeah.
Thought that was more of a...
- you know... - Oh, no. That's a common misconception.
No, I found my soulmate.
Why do I still want him?
I just, you know, I haven't liked someone in so long.
I know.
And he said all these things, and I...
told myself this story that we were, like, falling in love and...
I just... I wanted it to be true.
I know.
Ugh, he's just, like, a classic softboy.
- What? - He's a softboy.
Wait. What... What is that?
They're like, you know, they're like fuckboys.
Like, a fuckboy just wants casual sex.
And then a softboy, like the fuckboy,
has no intention of making anything serious or defined,
but they just want all of the affection and romance of a relationship, you know?
They want all the good parts, but without any of the...
commitment or genuine vulnerability.
- Jesus Christ. - I know.
They trick ya. They get ya.
They're the worst.
- Ay-yi-yi. - I know.
Apparently, my dad was a big softboy in the '80s.
- No, he's obsessed with your mom. - I know,
but he said if he had met her a year earlier,
he would have fucked it up, because he was just being a softboy.
No, no, but he loves her, so it would have been fine.
Yeah, but love's not enough, you know? You have to be ready.
We all gotta meet on the bridge at the same time,
or else it'll just fall apart.
What if this spell doesn't work?
I really think it's gonna work.
Okay, so we've made the brew, given it to the subject, Isaac.
All that's left to do is get naked and cast the spell.
Wait, why are you naked?
Solidarity.
Erase this memory from the one I love.
I'll say it now for all above.
The last two days must disappear.
Get rid of all the mounting fear.
Erase this memory from the one I love.
I'll say it now for all above. The last two days must disappear.
Get rid of all the mounting fear.
- Leave him calm and with some wonder. - Sweet dreams.
Trusting me, not knowing my blunder.
We'll know whether or not it worked when he wakes up in the morning.
Enjoy, brother.
We're out of limes again.
- Care for another? - Ah...
Not sure.
- I think I'm getting stood up. - Mm.
- First date? - Third.
Oof. Ouch.
- It's fine. - Pilsner, right?
- That her? - Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late.
- It's no problem at all. - I'm never late.
- Sorry about that. - It's no problem.
- I made friends with the bartender. - Oh, cool.
Are you okay?
I'm so good. I'm really great.
- Have you been crying? - No.
Are you sure? You kind of look like you've been crying.
Oh, God.
No. No, what happened?
I just...
I just didn't have a good day, but, uh, I'm so sorry.
I... I'm embarrassed.
- Don't worry about it. It's fine. - No, it's not fine.
I should have cried outside like a normal adult.
Do you wanna talk about it?
No, it's fine. I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna pull it together.
You don't have to. We can get outta here,
go cry at a... nearby bodega
like real New Yorkers.
I'm more than happy to start thinking of some sad shit
and cry with you.
Just give me ten minutes of a video of a toddler
getting fit for glasses for the first time,
and I'll be a fucking mess.
Um...
I'm gonna think about it. Thank you.
Iris?
I hate you.
What?
I said, "I hate you."
Morning.
Good morning.
Last night was fun, right?
Oh, I think we, um...
forgot to take these off.
Do you mind? I really have to pee.
Yeah, of course.
Oh, my God.
Sleeping like this really does a number on your back.
I'm sure.
God, this was so fucking fun, though.
There you go.
We must have been really drunk.
You get the legs?
- Yeah. - Great.
Oh, my God.
Let me get these darn things off.
There we go.
Okay, got 'em? Yeah.
Ah.
It worked. Oh, my God. He doesn't remember anything.
- What? - He doesn't remember anything.
- Oh, my God! We're witches. - He's in the bathroom.
- Let's go. - I don't want him to see you.
- Get out. - Okay.
- He's gonna hear you. - Oh, my God.
I'm trying.
Max, Kenny. Hi.
- Hey. - Hello there.
- Hey, you. - You.
What's up? What are you guys doing here?
They, uh, surprised us.
I, I... You were sleeping, so I didn't want to wake you.
Yeah, had to crash the party.
Yeah. Well, I hope that, we're not intruding.
No. No, not at all.
Just... wasn't expecting you guys.
- Well, surprise. - Surprise!
Let's get breakfast. Somewhere local and fun.
Yeah, yeah. Yes.
Let's go. Let's do that.
Yummy.
Oh, we could, uh, make breakfast
with all the strawberries we picked up. Ooh.
I think we have ingredients for pancakes.
Oh, yeah. Did you stop by a stand?
- 'Cause I love a local berry. - Yeah. Yeah, we did.
Great. Let's make pancakes.
You know what? I think I left the flour in the car.
Do you know where the keys are, your car keys?
- Can I have them? - Uh, yeah.
Um...
The keys are right here.
Great.
Be right back.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
We did it!
The power of sisterhood.
Wait, if he doesn't remember anything,
then he doesn't remember breaking up with me.
- Oh, Iris. - No, no, no. I'm just...
No, I will break up with him.
- I'm just saying... - Good.
- But also it's, I mean, there's a lot... - Babe?
Baby?
I'm just saying there's, so much is changing...
- Max! - What?
Um, I don't think that he went to get the flour.
Oh!
Oh, shit.
God!
Can you open the window?
Because if either of us do it, he'll be suspicious.
Awesome. What is it?
It's the potion to help him forget the last two days.
Okay.
- I'm going to bed. - What?
Iris, come on. We have to go. Let's go after him.
- I'm really good at following cars. - Yeah.
No. We're not getting involved in a high-speed car chase.
It's fine! I can do it.
- Yeah, we can catch him! Let's go! - No.
No. You guys have done enough. Thank you.
If he goes to the police, I'm gonna say it's all my fault
and, that I coerced you guys into it.
What? No, okay, maybe we could...
Max! It's over.
Oh, my God.
- Mmm. - They're something else!
- These are bussin', baby. - This one.
- Hey, you're up. - My God.
We made you breakfast.
- Here you go. - Guys, this is so nice.
You need strength.
Oh, you okay?
- I mean, this is just absurd. - Yeah.
- Yeah, it is. - It really is.
But, hey, I was thinking,
what if he doesn't even go to the police?
That'd be nice.
He might just go...
home.
- Maybe. - Yeah. He might just...
- Yeah. - Go home and...
this might all just be like a weird dream that we had or something.
Hey, honestly, when I would think about telling people,
it's funny.
Yeah.
- Hello? - Is this Iris Jacobs?
Yeah, it is. Who is this?
This is the High Falls deputy sheriff.
- It's the sheriff. - That motherfucker.
- Put him on speakerphone. - Okay.
Yeah, we found your car pinned against a tree on the side of the road
with no one in it.
Oh, my God.
Were you driving?
I don't see it as reported stolen.
No, I, um, my... my friend was...
You don't see him there?
No, there's no sign of anyone here.
We called the tow truck.
If you'd like to pick up any belongings, you should come now.
I've got the location! It's straight down the hill!
- Good. - Max, what if he's dead?
Iris, he's not dead. Come on, let's go.
I heard a howling early this morning
when I was on my hike at dawn.
There's a man yelling out for Iris. That's you, right?
- Oh, my God. - Yes, yes, please. Where...
Where did you hear it?
Oh, it's hard to be sure because, you know,
once a frequency drops below 120 hertz,
it becomes difficult, if not impossible,
to, uh, use time difference or level difference
- to, uh, discern a sound's lateral source. - Please,
if you had to guess.
If I had to guess, gun to my head, well...
- We have to go. - Anything can help.
Okay, don't hold me to it,
but by the creek about three-quarters a mile north.
- Thank you so much, Steve. - You're welcome.
Wow, who was that?
That weird guy I was telling you about.
No! Steve?
- Oh. - Okay.
You guys go meet the sheriff. I'm gonna go try to find him.
- Okay. - Wait, is this a good idea?
- He could be hurt. - Okay, call us, okay?
Okay.
Isaac!
Isaac! Fuck. Shit.
Shit.
Answer me. Are you alive?
[IN THE DISTANCE] Iris?
Isaac?
Iris!
- Where are you? - I'm down here!
Isaac! Isaac! I'm here.
- Help! - I'm coming. Okay.
Iris.
Oh, my God. Oh, thank God.
- What happened? - Fuck.
The car, it hydroplaned and...
Fuck!
I tried to make my way back to the house.
My phone was dead. I slipped, and I fell.
- I think I broke my ankle. - Okay. Let me call Max.
I'm so sorry.
Hey. Yeah, I found him by the creek.
He's really injured.
Yeah. We need an ambulance. I can't carry him alone.
Yeah, I'll send a pin. Bring the sheriff.
Oh, God.
Are you okay?
Yeah. It just hurts.
I'm so sorry.
I, uh...
All this got so...
ridiculously out of hand.
And I, um... I think I...
just kept going, and I kept going,
and I got to this place where I thought I could keep us together by sheer will,
and that's not the way it's supposed to be.
And I don't wanna force someone to be with me.
But me thinking that this weekend
was gonna end in us being together, like,
that didn't come out of nowhere.
I just wish you had been honest.
I had a dream that you hated me.
What?
Last night I had a dream where you seduced me,
and you told me that you hated me.
I don't hate you.
I think there's...
There's something wrong with me. I just don't...
I wish I could give you what you want. I just... I can't.
I can't.
Why not?
You have this blind optimism,
but what usually happens is people fall in love,
and it falls apart.
They make these big promises and declarations, and then,
it falls apart.
Because one of them got bored and drunk
or sad and insecure, and they just...
they just fall out of love for whatever reason,
or they stay together miserable and...
I just don't know.
I just don't know how people do it.
It doesn't always fall apart.
It falls apart a lot.
Look, I should have been honest with you from the start.
I'm sorry.
I don't think you're an asshole.
I don't think you're crazy.
Maybe a little.
Okay, maybe... maybe a little.
Are the straps really necessary?
Sir, we need to secure you to the stretcher.
It's required for safety.
- Okay, cool. - Yeah, just keep... keep them loose.
I'll be fine.
We'll always have O High.
What?
Never mind.
And then, the next thing that I'll learn is to go faster.